[ABC ficlet] Keeping the Closet Clean

[babygray]

An Alphabetized Noisefic: Gundam Wing entry.

Title: Keeping the Closet Clean
Author: babygray
Pairing: None... ish
Warnings: Typos. No beta.
Disclaimer: This is just fanfiction, non-profit and just for fun.
Notes: THIS IS SO HORRID. I'm actually considering scrapping this whole thing because of this entry alone. It's horrid and NOT FUNNY.
Word Count: 500
Summary: The pilots talk out their problems.

“Hi, my name is Heero and I have trouble accomplishing anything. Yes, I am capable of fighting off the enemy and piloting, but I have yet been capapble of killing myself... or anyone else.”

~~~~

“Hi, my name is Duo, and I talk too much. Frankly, I don’t know what that means, but my pal Wufei made me come here, so who am I to say no. He was nice enough to drive me here, you know? If I’m lucky, he’ll even take me to the diner across the street for a late dinner. God, I love pie. I think everyone loves pie, you know what I mean? But I think all the ladies here would just love to taste a bit of... strudel now and then. Ya get it? Well, anyway, Wufei has the weirdest hairstyle, not that I’m any different, but I’ll get him back, don’t you worry. Maybe take him to ARA or something. He’ll LOVE that, trust me---“

~~~~

“Hi, my name is Trowa, and I like the Hair Cuttery.”

The group leader comes up and wraps an arm around Trowa’s shoulder. Her hair looks as if she had been attacked by bleach and rusty blades. “Don’t we all, Trowa. Don’t we all...”

~~~~

“---But, of course, I don’t listen to him either. I mean, the guy can’t even get around to killing that girl and her brother. I think that, maybe, ‘I’m going to kill you’ means ‘you’ll live to be a ripe old age’ to him. I swear, I think that gun of his is actually a squirt gun or something. I love him, though, don’t you worry about that, but what the hell is he thinking, wearing spandex in the middle of winter---“

~~~~

“Hi, my name is Quatre and I’m an alcoholic... an angry drunk at that. My friends think that I became crazy because my father’s death, but I know I wouldn’t have done those things without the tequila I put in my tea. At first, it tasted nasty, but that stuff is good...”

~~~~

“---so flexible. I mean, look at him! He can do those flips from out of nowhere. No, wait, not nowhere. He pulls them out of his pert little ass, but don’t tell him I said th---“

~~~~

“Hello, my name is Wufei and I’m anal-retentive. I like my whites brilliant and my hair tight... Can I go home now?”

~~~~

“---think Quatre’s nice. He’s a little wierd though, isn’t he? Most people think he’s gay because of that stupid, faggety pink shirt of his, but let me tell you, he loves pie. Not apple pie... not lemon pie... Give him a piece of putang pie and he is in heaven, if you know what I mean... Anyway, I have to get some water right now. I’ll be right back to finish.”

~~~~end